A #2020 Story | Jennie’s Gist
On March 15, 2020, we panic-packed our dirty laundry, our three kids (5.75, 3.75, and 1.5 year old), a cooler of food into the car and drove.
On March 15, 2020, we panic-packed our dirty laundry, our three kids, and a cooler of food into the car.
On March 15, 2020, I convinced Mehdi to escape the concrete jungle of NYC. We panic-packed our dirty laundry, our three kids (5.75, 3.75, and 1.5 year old), a cooler of food into the car and drove.
We drove all the way to Wisconsin without having to stop (except for gas--which Mehdi Clorox and Purell’ed the heck out of the pumps, and one equally wiped-down hotel in Indiana) into our car on March 15th and drove to stay with my parents in Wisconsin. I’m a midwesterner who has learned from my great-depression-grandma, I thought, “I just need to be able to grow corn if it comes down to it.”
We also thought we were being ridiculous and that we'd only stay a week... (We came back in August). I kept the vibe as chill and happy as I could, but there was a lot swirling in our minds.
Driving away from the Big Apple and into where apples actually grow felt like shifting from the future into the past—we brought the precipice of the anxiously unknown NYC energy from mid-March—bubbling up and soon to explode—into what Wisconsin, where the anxiety was still relatively ‘unknown’, and wouldn’t start to creep into people’s psyches for another month. So eerie.
Our heightened awareness and potentially exposed senses were not yet on par with those around us in Wisconsin (except in a few outliers).
Days after arriving, it was clear the emergency rooms weren’t yet mentally equipped for the tidal wave of what was to come—starting with myself running in with our lethargic, severely labored breathing 18-month-old son who either suffered from non-covid related pneumonia or covid—we’ll never know because he wasn’t tested. At the time, in Wisconsin, there weren’t enough tests being distributed there—the focus was still the big cities at that point, and the tests’ efficacy was still questionable anyway.
We arrived after driving like maniacs with our hazards on after a virtual call with a doctor who advised us to get into the car immediately and drive him to the nearest covid-prepared children’s hospital (40 minutes away) where she’d alert the emergency bay to our arrival. Scary.
We arrived to a well-suited protective triage team, but a minute later, a sweet and happy pediatrician walked in un-protected asking how she could help! Immediately backing away from her, I felt like we had Leprosy, or … well, COVID-19. I must have looked so weird, wide-eyed, and scared.
Quickly, the doctor was isolated and suited up. Full-on helmets for clear-paneled faces for human connection with our child, she and her team worked swiftly yet calmly, not only to soothe Bodhi but me as well. Meanwhile, Mehdi waited in the car. He was not allowed in—only one accompanying parent was allowed due to the new pandemic protocols.
Soon, Bodhi was swaddled down and screaming while they, as gently as they could, sucked a surprisingly ‘significant amount of mucus’ out his lungs. Clearly good at their jobs and as compassionate as could be, they prepped me and let me ‘rescue’ him when it was all done.
We all breathed a little better after that, but it still wasn't easy’ and certainly not ‘normal’.
Adjusting to remote schooling was rough--both mine and Mehdi’s jobs kicked up a gear and stayed up 'thanks' to working for essential services/clients and the ability to go fully remote rather well. We thought my parents would be able to help us with the kids—and we all did what they could—but it wasn’t as easy as sending them to school and daycare, nor like having a sprightly and experienced nanny setting up their days.
Our kids were 5.75, 3.75, and 1.5 years old at the time—inadvertently sponging in our stress. We likely brought the Covid virus, but if not, it was our Covid-induced anxiety alone which rendered everyone a bit off, incapable of normal functioning and effective routine. Our chests all felt heavy, either from the burden of actually carrying the virus, or the anguish of the possibility.
During those first months while finding our new rhythm and figuring out home-schooling and huge mounds of kindergarten homework (wtf?!), I diligently kept up with Magentic’s client work for which I'd already committed and, instinctually knew to pause on taking on any more in the time being, to be able to give more of my time to our kids. It was the busiest period of my business thus far though. I’d just ramped up new business and everything was flowing beautifully. Sigh.
Eventually, we did hire a wonderful babysitter when our collective panic subsided enough to allow someone else into the home for some much-needed help with the kids. Magically and not unlike Ms. Poppins, one of the first announcements for help was a young woman who’d escaped NYC around the time we did too to also go back to live with her parents who lived in the same suburb. She quickly understood us and our needs without needing much explanation. Such a gift!!!!!
I reached out to my newly acquired clients to pause all new projects, even though I was still so excited about working on them, with them. Transparently, I shared my reasons as my way of being gentle with myself, and they appreciated my candor. Many of these clients replied that they were compassionately happy to wait for me, which is incredibly humbling and inspiring. And they did.
The work I had already committed to continued to be exciting and fulfilling—working with my big, retainer client at the time was always challenging and so fun. I enjoyed the ever expanding scope, so big and helped me keep growing as a leader and professional too.
As someone who began working remotely in 2015, adept at async collaboration with Slack since it’s earliest iterations, I’d already taught my client this skill to work with me remotely, so I could work with them and other companies around the world. Space is no boundary in these days
Luckily, with this particular retainer client, our pre-pandemic work together prepped them emotionally and technologically to digitize their business communications while feeling comfortable implementing async, digital collaboration throughout their business as much as they could. (Parts of it were still obligatory in-person roles.) Our practice guided their transformation beginning within their leadership team through to their whole company so everyone could continue working safely, in teams in and out of the office to practice safe social distancing. (Doubly luckily, they were considered an essential business, working in the food industry, so everyone stayed employed, including me.)
As part of Magentic’s recent expansion, I’d also already taken on an additional HR collaboration project to work with an impressive Rockefeller funded non-profit climate organization to guide them through re-evaluating their values, as a catalyst to update their story and transform their culture. Originally, this project was meant to be a standard two-day in-person workshop and turned into a 3-month digital program of which we created and adapted to on the fly. (I’m pretty proud of how swiftly and effectively we were able to pivot! 🙌)
Even with mild interruptions, the work continued and grew more and more meaningful — like pausing a meeting with endearing executives while I narrated the safe and live transfer of a spider from my daughter’s remote-school-workspace out the window. My clients cheered me on and said, see, that’s what this is all about. Authenticity in action. (I love my clients!).
The work we accomplished together was especially important and difficult due to its timing and increased sensitivities — during the summer which exposed the depth of American social injustices which rubbed raw the core of every discussion, which we did our best to serve with as much listening, understanding, patience, compassion, and necessity as we knew how. We took great care and offered significant extra time to go as deep as we could, and to examine, discuss, and organize issues and goals within the scope of our work.
Finally, my individual author and entrepreneur clients continued as well, at a much easier and lighter pace, as allowed by how much balance I’d received that day or week from placing my bare feet on the grass of my parents’ lawn. I’m so grateful for these peaceful, flowing collaborations.
All in all, intense but alive.
I was grateful to be busy, working extra, and at odd hours to make it all work. I felt... as many surely felt... like I was running a 100m dash for the length of a marathon that wasn't even sure to end at 26.2 miles. The only thing that was clear was that this course is uncharted and undetermined for all, and there was no escape button.
I am so grateful to be lucky enough to already have formed and grown my own business and control my working hours. And, to have already imposed a work-life goal of 125 hrs per month cap on my time so I can be present for my family. My pre-practiced boundaries protected my sanity, and that of our family.
Surrendering to COVID’s plan, my business and I grew in different ways than I’d expected and planned for this year. I’d planned a year of expansive growth—new and bigger clients, more difficult challenges that I now felt more comfortable taking on. Instead, I breathed into to not being able to do it all myself and growing my talent team with women and men, who I appreciate so much, and without them, I would not have gotten through this year as I did. The sense of surrounding myself with kindness, talent, eagerness/drive, passion, and mutual patience in a newly formed community committed to a common purpose has been like the pace car I needed so I wouldn’t burn out or destroy my tires along the way. My team of freelancers helped to keep me steady and fueled up enough to be able to do what we need to do—and to continue to do it well, and with good energy all while dipping my toes into growing my team and learning what that means and how that feels as a leader and a boss who is also at least partially responsible for other people’s income, security, and well-being.
Mindfulness and spirituality help me immensely.
Staying present kept me as sane as I stayed. When we returned to NYC, I took two weeks off to quarantine with full presence while getting everyone in the family settled back in our apartment. Then in late August, finally, I decided to further reduce my hours to around 70hrs per month to give more of myself to the kids who were starting to show more serious signs of anxiety.
Just as the buildings are closer and the populations denser in the city, the NYC air carried more anxious intensity in its vibrations—inescapable even for a moment—hard to hold, energetically.
The kids went to school 2-3 days a week, masked and unallowed to move from their desk all day long, to the point where they’d come home and cry that their little butts hurt from sitting. It seems this year (2021), every other week or so, we've been required to re-quarantine for 10 days due to possible exposure from someone testing positive in the classroom. Not to mention the horror my daughter feels, worrying she'll be the one probed by unaffectionate medical staff dressed in what might as well be astronaut-gear self-protective materials. She keeps a stash of marshmallows in her backpack now in case it's her turn to help her get through it without as much fear. The testing has been beyond traumatic for her.
I've been doing my best to make it feel fun to hibernate together, inside for weeks. After returning from a large suburban home in Wisconsin, it was clear we’d outgrown our 2-bedroom Brooklyn apartment, a place we moved into with our 8-month old first child and an appropriate amount of toys and books for her happy and organized exploration. As luck has it, our neighbors, who were living in the only 3-bedroom in our building, were planning to move. We got word, negotiated and already had the adoration of our landlord/developer, and so we switched leases and moved in by November. It couldn’t have been smoother or more perfect timing. How lucky! We purged, packed up, purged some more, and moved within the same building—to a different floor (luckily with the help of an elevator)—all on our own so as to be as covid-complaint as possible.
Now, we’re truly appreciating our bigger space, three bedrooms, and two terraces now (I know… pinch me!). It feels extravagant and the views are extraordinary. We are so lucky to have gotten such a great deal on the new place, to have such an amazing landlord, AND a high-quality LEED certified building, pre-built in HEPA air filters everywhere to circulate our air every hour. Genius.
We know we are so fortunate to be able to give ourselves and our kids more space. It’s been especially great for our oldest to have her own room. She’s our sleeper and when she gets home from school, or does her remote-schooling days online, she can separate herself off from the littler ones to focus on her work. Having her own space also helps her decompress without getting tangled up in anyone else’s energy, expectations, or oscillations. (Clearly, I can relate. Ha.)
Apparently, I am inherently driven to continue growing, even while resting and recharging.
After I’d reduced my hours to give myself a little break, I signed myself up for a 200hr remote yoga certification class. Now, from October to December I’d get to deep dive into the WHYs of Yoga I'd been wanting to learn for 10 years now. At first, I couldn't afford the in-person Costa Rican two-week retreats, especially while I lived in Paris, still earning a junior’s salary while grateful that even though my French was ... je ne sais quoi... as in, literally, “I don’t know what… you’re saying most of the time”, I survived, and thrived! My work there earned rare standing ovations at the CPW clients’ global brand summit for my Cheerios brand alignment, and accolades for doubling markets and having to adjust supply chains to keep store shelves stocked after our TVC for Cereal Lion made EMEA sales go bananas. I was very happy to be working at a hot agency in France I must say. I’m proud to say my hard work payed off in experience, while my French quickly improved. It’s quite something to learn a new language, and quite another to learn a new culture.
And then I had a baby, then babies. And I wasn't going to leave them for two weeks (to go to Costa Rica—we’re back there in the story now). Thanks to COVID—silver linings—the Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) course went digital! Woohoo. The first remote session was in the middle of my wildly full-throttle summer, so that wasn't a healthy option at the time; but by fall, my body begged me to recalibrate, to do something for myself. I needed to ground myself in my own practice and serenity. I asked my husband for time for my birthday, to do the YTT, and he agreed.
*(My good childhood friend and bi-coastal yoga mini-celebrity friend Taryn Vander Hoop co-founded a YTT company @lilaflowyoga—check it out in a new tab—it’s a very well done YTT course.)
During the digital yoga teacher training classes, on nights and weekends every other week, Bodhi would still jump on me, the girls would pop in and ask me for snacks—while Mehdi was in the kitchen—because they wanted 'mommy.' Mehdi felt helpless to entertain them, otherwise.
Learning and imbibing the deeper principles of yoga into practice during those moments was an excellent practice and example for me and everyone in my class, to witness how we incorporate yoga' (because it's not just the yogasana—they physical positions) into our daily lives.
Yoga wants us to feel happy, content, and well within ourselves so that we don't have to think of ourselves so much and can be of better service to all, just as when our body is well and healthy, we don't realize all of the ways it works, bends and stretches to allow us to move within our world. Now, I'm a 200h certified yoga teacher, though I've yet to teach since my final. My niche is going to be yoga for people who want to do something for themselves and likely have little people climbing on them at the same time--and how to seek joy and empathy from a community of other mothers, fathers, or caretakers while doing so. Although I don’t really plan to ‘teach’ yoga, except for by osmosis through my other creative work by practicing my energetic essence and modeling a yogic presence.
SOME TIME LATER…
Coming up on one year since that panic-packed drive to escape the city, I'm happy to be able to say that we made it. We're well. We're careful. Our anxiety is remarkably decreased to a healthy-ish amount. My energy is like the keel of the boat—as my energy smoothed out with my yoga training and practice the keel got deeper and the calm became more profound, better able to stabilize the energy of everyone in the family even as the stormy waters continue.
Side note, I also made and posted a series of 'infographic' style posters of our morning, after school, and bedtime routines up on the walls of our home, and the kids thrive on them. (I posted pictures of them on Instagram.) If you’re looking for routines, I highly recommend a method like this. It's so much easier and better for me and our kids to be able to point to when they get to watch a show (at 5:15 pm, while I make dinner) than to have them ask me 100 times throughout the afternoon and then me giving in to make the whining stop. (It happens. I don’t need to hate myself for it.) Now, there’s no more whining -- okay, much less whining. Haha.
I do still miss significant, set-aside, alone time for myself—and I don't mean at 10pm when everyone's asleep. (I'd like to watch a show on Netflix or read a book from time to time too!) So I soak in these few school-days-per-week when the kids are 'in' school and I have 5hrs of glorious uninterrupted focus.
School is a gift never to be taken for granted again. These precious hours, for me, are when I can productively focus on my client work, think about when/how I might want to re-engage in prospecting new clients for my business again--even though now as I type it, I realize they're rolling in on their own, in perfect little doses of time and expectations which I can only thank the Universe for with amazing grace. Mmmmm.
