A Guide to French & American Expat Integration, Part 3

Mental-Agility and Mindfulness Help to Create Cultural Harmony

When in France, it makes sense to do as the French do. But what do you do when you don’t even know that what you’re doing is so un-French?

When we pause to remember that a foreigner is away from the environment in which they've been conditioned to thrive, we can find compassion, empathy, and patience. We realize they’re a fish out of their water, living in a new place with new rules, trying to re-learn to swim with a new school, but the new school seems not to let them in.

Photo by Daniel Corneschi on Unsplash

“Positivity” and “passion” are deeply conditioned personal and interpersonal approaches, and goals, for Americans.

Passion is something the French do. Like to be or not to be, that is the question. Passion is not questioned for the French. French passion is subtly lived in ever-present nuance. (Enjoying a bite of a meal, for instance.)

On the other hand, the French will not share their energy without well-earned permission. The walled-off French energy can be incredibly frustrating for the open American, wondering why people receive their warmth with such coldness. For the American offering warm, engaging energies, the French person's restrained human connections and warmth can create a confusing void for the American. 

It’s important for both sides to learn to pause, absorb, learn, reflect, and evolve with intention. That’s how we find our flow. together.

In the American's perspective, they're presenting to you their best-self while shielding you from the hum-drum lower energy aspects of the full spectrum of their energies and emotions. Outward enthusiasm shows passion and a willingness to work hard, be engaged, offer skills and knowledge for collaborations, and the goal of being an asset to the team.

Passion goes a long way in American work cultures. And passion is something we are conditioned to strive for—automatically, without question.

The French may perceive the American’s filtered positivity as egotistical or self-serving. They might see it as putting on a good face, and assume it’s for the American’s own advancement rather than to protect others from their woes and worries.

The coolness the American receives from the French person feels, to them, as a haughty or pompous air, disinterested and dismissive of the American and their efforts. While it’s just an energetic shutdown, it’s equivalent to a French person shutting the door in the American’s face. It just feels rude, and confusingly unwarranted.

Why?

In general, the French contain their energy in a tight bubble and are intentional with whom they expand it to include, and how much of it they're willing to share with someone. They're guarded and take pride in their practical discernment. The French love the slow, courting process of revealing themselves and learning pieces of you--unpeeling the onion with someone, layer by layer.  Americans don't realize the French perceive their energetic openness like it would be if they were physically standing there flashing them from under a trench-coat. Surprise! Eeek. Nope, not the communication exchange that the American intended. 

For the American, when 'why is no one receiving or returning my energy?' becomes a persistent experience, the question begins to ache. The expat experience can be lonely because while not physically ‘alone’, an expat can still feel emotionally alone. 

To a French person (maybe even more so to a city-guarded Parisian), an American's boundless energy can feel like an attack.

When any two cultures are circumstantially face-to-face, forced to merge by interacting in any small way it’s uncharted territory—until it’s been charted within each of our own experiences.

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Please note, this is a grossly (French word for largely, though one of those weird words in an American context) blanketed statement and overview to comparing cultures biased by my own experiences and perspectives and privileges. It is my hope that it helps to create bridges of understanding, to connect and transform people (with love) across the world.

With love and light,

Jennie Souiade
CEO & Founder, Magentic
HelloMagentic.com
jennie@hellomagentic.com